Flaming animals…

There are times my life is quite chaotic… and I swear it *isn’t* always my fault! Take this morning as an example. I take the kids to school as usual, with no problems to speak of and with the intention of continuing to the gym for yet more torture.

However as I pull away from the school I hear a sort of ‘thwacking’ sound from the rear of the car. I pull into a nearby garage and discover one of the rear tyres is flat. Obviously it needs fixing so I inflate it and drive home intending to call the NRMA for some motoring assistance… but when I get home I see the tyre isn’t fully deflated so I tell the wife I’m not stopping (she had a day off today because of the Melbourne Cup) and set off to the tyre shop.

As I approached the tyre store I nearly had a heart attack. Something warm and fluffy was rubbing itself against my leg!

I looked down… and there was the cat, who must have climbed into the car while I was talking to the wife having left the car door open. What to do. Couldn’t go home… the tyre was leaking. Decided to continue to the store and sort something out there.

So, we arrive and I grab the cat… who struggles. She’s part feral and is *very* skittish. Even at home the sound of a bang sends her flying up the curtains… and here she was outside a place with pneumatic bolt removers etc clattering away nineteen to the dozen. For a few seconds I’d sat there working out if she’d run for cover if I tried to open the door and just get out and decided no… she wouldn’t. I also idly wondered what the kids would say if I allowed their cat to run off onto an industrial estate never to be seen again… and decided the aggro wasn’t worth the benefits. So I girded up my loins… and, as I said… I grabbed the cat… who fights to get free. She isn’t particularly affectionate at the best of times only ever allowing herself to be carried and petted by my eldest daughter… who wasn’t there. So this wasn’t the best of times.
This means I get scratched all over. Still, I *do* eventually manage to keep her away from my eyes and get her in a head lock with her legs tucked under my armpit, until I can get into the reception area.

The guy behind the Reception counter gave me a *very* odd look as I marched in with this cat clutched to my chest, but I ignored that and explained the problem with the car. I’ll let you into a secret… it’s very hard to hang on to one’s dignity when desperately trying to hang onto a cat that doesn’t want to be hung on to!  Anyway, the reception guy went off to pass the job onto one of the workers and came back.

For 10 minutes or so I stood there with the cat looking for all the world like a ventriloquists dummy… except perhaps for the protruding eyes… until I figured she  was going to suffocate if I held her that tightly for much longer, so I asked Mr Receptionist if he had a box perhaps… and to my amazement he found one that was perfect for the job!!

I dropped the cat in, she scuttled under cover and I ‘locked’ the lid over itself and she was secure

I suppose any normal person might have taken her home, but I’m not normal. When the job was done I carried her in her box back to the car, placed the box in the seat and folded down the arms… which held the box tight as if they were made for the job and I carried on to the gym.

She sat in her smelly old box for an hour or two for me to finish and take her home. I left her inside the box until we were indoors and then let her out. After 1o minutes or so of erratic cat behaviour with her diving around the house, she eventually settled and has spent the rest of the day curled up on her ‘throne’. She’s taken over one of the settees and spreads her self over it like lady muck!

My life is chaos… and ruled by animals!

One thought on “Flaming animals…

  1. Chris this is the funniest thing I have read in years. It could only happen to you of course!

    I’ll never forget “It wasn’t my fault – the door came off in my hand”. Dear old Douglas Petty and Mum thought it was him leading you astray – yeah right!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s