The Eclectic Interweb

I have a million psychological issues of a sort that would make a great PhD topic for some aspiring psychiatrists, but the ones that cause me the most angst are the ones that impact directly my ability to maintain any sort of willpower or determination to control my eating. I suppose it might sound relatively straightforward from the outside, but I can tell you that living with it is far worse than reading about it! 🙂

If I was dealing with one thing, it might be simple to sidestep the problem. Even with multiple issues if they came at me one at a time I might cope, but what happens (effectively) is that they come at me gang-handed, i.e. there are facets of each issue that come into play either alone or in groups and in a form that makes it hard for ‘me’ to compete.

This of course produces yet another complication, that at times I feel as if there is more than just me living in this pile of meat! Yeah, I know crazy, but seriously it really does feel as if I’m fighting a constant battle with myself over the way I live and the food I eat. I’m sure some of it is the sugar addiction but it seems sometimes there are literally two of us trying to control my mind, and by extension what the body does. Since the topic of the blog is food and diet, I’ll focus on this aspect and we can forget the rest… for now. 🙂

So yes, I know it sounds insane thinking ‘one of me’ is saying “Don’t touch that snack!”, whilst the other is saying “One small snack won’t hurt in the overall scheme of things!”. But that’s how it feels And one snack means all bets are off, and here we go again. I’ve been fond of saying I can resist anything… except temptation, and this has been proven time and time again. Even now when I’m consciously trying to get the weight down to a specific target and for a specific reason I regularly find myself opening the fridge door and just standing there looking for something to graze on. It’s not like I’m after anything high-calorie to begin, I might tell myself for example “It’s only a tomato!” but if I don’t resist I know the tomato or mandarin will work, in effect, like a gateway drug and, as I know from past experience, and mixing my metaphors, once I open the floodgates I’ll just vacuum up whatever I can get in my mouth. It’s a problem.