The Eclectic Interweb

Unashamedly stolen from various places.

***************

Paul once bought Heather a plane for Christmas… and a ladyshave for the other leg.

***************

Heather might be legless, but Paul’s found out that she’s far from ‘armless.

***************

A South African gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated. After the operation he was talking to a fellow miner and said

“I suppose I’m f—ed now, who would ever want a one legged gold digger?”

His mate replied “Try Paul McCartney”

***************

Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over
The split. “He has been my crutch for so long”! She said in an earlier
Interview, “I have no idea why this has happened, I’m really stumped”
She’s running around in circles”, according to a close friend, “she will
Need all the support she can get. It’s not like its easy to walk out
On a relationship like this”
After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider
Going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.
It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
Marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an
Agreement has been signed it is believed that she won’t have a leg to stand on.
Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity
may have been the cause. “She’s terrible” a source stated, “always trying to
get her leg over”

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause.
“Macca couldn’t handle it anymore” a friend said, “he would get home at night and find her legless”
Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the gift that
Paul bought her prior to the wedding He gave her a new prosthetic leg
for Christmas, but that was just a stocking-filler.

***************

And then there’s the reworked lyrics to ‘When I’m 64’….

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now,
Will you still be saying I’m your valentine, or that I cut your arm with glasses of wine?
Will you tell tabloids all about me, how I locked you out the door?
Will you still need me, or will you fleece me,
When I’m 64?

Mmmm … You’ll have just one shoe.
Aaah … If I were into gimps, I would stay with you.

I could be handy, holding you up, when your leg has gone.
I can knit you trousers by the fireside, one leg shorter than the other side.
Stretching my ankles, walking at speed, I’ve got feet galore.
Will you still need me, or will you fleece me, when I’m 64?

Every summer we’ll rent a prosthetic so you’ll walk all right, if it’s not too dear. We shall limp and save.
Ah … grandchildren on one knee, the other in the grave.

Hire a lawyer, drop me a writ, stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to steal, I’ve still got 10 toes I can feel.
Give me your slander, slur up a storm, you’ll find me out on the dance floor.
Will you still need me, or will you fleece me, when I’m 64?

***************

And there’s ‘Lady Madonna’…

“Lady McHeather
Walking down the street
Only walks in circles
Coz she aint got, two feet”

She calls me a drunkard
On just one glass of wine
But she’s legless in the morning
And the evening time”

***************

Paul’s final comment to the media was “I will really miss Heather,” he said. “And being able to park in a disabled parking space.” He refused to comment on reports she would preserve her anonymity after the divorce by changing her name to Eileen.