Occasionally I do things and feel guilty immediately. However, the most common experience for me at least is to get a memory of something that happened a long time ago and suddenly think “Oh god did I really say/do/make/etc that?”. Then the guilt hits and because, whatever it was, happened so long ago, there is no going back so no making amends of any sort. I tell myself the usual guff, i.e. learn from your mistakes and move forward, but that doesn’t help. What I usually feel guilty over are the effects, real or imagined, on the other party whether it be a person or animal and there’s no easy way to deal with it… especially for an obsessive like myself. Not more to add right now, just saying… 🙂
I originally started writing this post when I remembered an old dog I had called ‘Charlie’ (another story there) who was a lovely strong animal that I really loved. At the time I was married to my first wife, Fenella, who I called Nelly much to her family’s disgust..
Anyway, the occasion I was remembering was going for a walk with wife and our toddler, Matthew in his pushchair. We decided to walk along St Martin’s Road and up the mountain past the Watford, around through the forest and back to our home in Lansbury Park. It was a long way but we were young and fit (well Nelly wasn;’t as she had Type 1 diabetes… another story to come). We set off and all went well until we came to the upward stretch of the mountain, at which point the sheer weight of child and pushchair began to tell. We moved slower and slower until, by the time we reached the reservoir, it was almost impossible to go further.
Then inspiration struck and I tied the dogs lead to the front axle of the pushchair and let him go. Wow! He took off like a bullet. He’d always ‘pulled’ but now he was clearly enjoying the effort to the extent Nelly and I had to *trot* to keep up with his as he dragged us up the hill!! Sadly I was forced to give Charlie up when Nelly and I fell out. I have no idea what happened to him in the end but I still see his face in the back window of the car that took him away and the big floppy tongue waving as his questioning eyes looked back at me. Still miss him. 🙁
As I said earlier, the Doc gave me stronger antibiotics to fight the infection in my shin, but I’d forgotten he told me to stop taking the iron supplements I’d been taking because they interfere with the efficacy of the stronger medication. Naturally… I immediately forgot so each day I’ve been taking two of the antibiotics along with one iron pill so, basically, I’ve been compromising their effectiveness. Tomorrow I’ll have to try to remember. My excuse is I have a lot on my mind right now. 🙂
Last October the wife had dual cataract operations. She already has Glaucoma and this we felt was just another load to carry. However, since November, she’s noticed the sight of her left eye was deteriorating significantly. Because of this, we visited her consultant on Monday morning for him to investigate. After discovering she had a badly damaged optic nerve she was sent for an urgent MRI, which she had on Tuesday.
Tuesday evening we had a call from the consultants secretary asking her to come in urgently so we’re off today at 12:30 to see what’s wrong.
There are a few options of course, and none pretty. There is the obvious possibility of pressure on the nerve cutting off blood supply, i.e. a tumour… which may or may not be benign and, also, may or may not be operable. Or there are the demyelinating diseases (such as Multiple Sclerosis) which are not quite as dangerous immediately but have long term life consequences. She has already reported to the doctor having a ‘numb’ feeling in her foot… which in itself isn’t an issue, but in combination with the eye issue raises questions.
Those are worst case scenarios of course but as far as I can see there would be no reason for us to be called in urgently if there was no good reason… i.e. something needs to be fixed *now*. We’re all rather worried.
Today we learn that Donald Trump has somehow managed to beat out all the potentially ‘better qualified’ candidates to become the Republican candidate for the US Presidency and, by default, leader of the free world. The question is *how*.
He has no political experience, has never held office, had very shaky business acumen and his speeches have been filled with all sorts of extreme right wing polemic. He’s attacked ‘foreigners’, said he’ll make Mexico build a wall across their shared border to stop immigrants, derided women, attacked pro-choice and gay marriage… yet is still leading the party of Abraham Lincoln.
The fear is that to maintain a level of popularity or simply out of inexperience or ineptitude he’ll initiate a major world conflict. The world is rightly horrified by this development.
Not at all sure I’d recommend these guys to anyone. We have ‘back to base’ reporting etc… mostly wireless… but I can’t say their other services are up to scratch. We’ve made two appointments for a service call… at their request. The first one they missed. Naturally that said we weren’t home, or didn’t answer the bell etc which is rubbish because out dogs bark at the sight of a butterfly let alone a visitor and I’d have heard them. The also said they’d rung and left a message, which they didn’t because I *had* no message on my phone! We rag to remake the appointment and they are due today between 9:00 a.m. and mid-day. Currently the time is 11:35 a.m.and they’ve not arrived, nor have they rung to say they’d be on time, or more importantly… late. Not happy!!
Well it’s gone mid-day now and no sign of them and no phone call. I’ll have to ring.
Edit: Seems they wrote the date down as 5th not 4th… even with *my* hearing I couldn’t mix up ‘fourth’ and ‘fifth’. There ya go… that’s what happens when you argue with call centre staff. Next appt is the afternoon of May 16th… I don’t know why I bother!! It’s time to start looking around for a new provider.
The leg still hurts, no two ways about it. I went back to Raj, on Monday, and explained I’d been cleaning the wound, taking it easy, changing the dressings etc but not a lot was improving. In fact it felt a lot worse. Put simply, he gave me stronger antibiotics for two weeks, and said take painkillers.
To be fair, two days later my leg *has* improved tho not as much as I’d have hoped, still I’m no child and healing takes longer. I can wait awhile. 🙂
Please don’t read this blog with the idea that the posts and the timeline will be in any way linear. I expect to hop about from time period to time period and place to place as the fancy takes me. Current affairs, i.e. my life as it is, will be mixed in with life as it was. Basically, I just have the urge to write down what’s in my mind when I open the blog.
Also, sad to say, my memory isn’t what it was (if it ever was what it was – see earlier post) and apart from the issues highlighted earlier, I may actually duplicate events in multiple posts… hopefully without too many paradoxes and contradictions. 🙂
To be quite honest I can see no real use for them, not in this blog anyway. Why? Because it appears above the previous post and ‘in-line’ so effectively… it’s another post. Maybe there’ll be a use for it eventually, maybe as a place put additional information not included or immediately relevant to the post it’s related to… right now tho pretty useless.